It's been fun for a while to have the same function calling GitHub API
in every single script, but we're going to have fun in different ways
now.
This one's for you, @MrSubidubi! 🥂
## Testing
I've ran the things that had `--dry-run` locally and nothing blew up,
but the ultimate smoke test will be carried out in production.
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Release Notes:
- N/A
